Bisexuality Part Two

It's a rainy day today, I've work to do at the drawing board and this is how I'm dressed. Black boots and tights, black bodysuit, black long sleeved blouse tied at the waist and a black leather collar around my throat.

I recently took stock of the number of people I've had sex with in my life and made two lists, Females and Males. The score is females 16, males 13. That's a pretty close race and I think it goes to prove my bisexual nature.

If youÕre wondering why I feel the need to expound on the subject of bisexuality it's because I believe it's an under explored and under represented area of modern sexuality. Sure, there has been a rise in the representation of bisexual women in the media, exampled by young women of the "Girls Gone Wild" variety and the "experimented in college" punch line. But male bisexuality seems hidden and is little discussed anywhere. I'm sure there are chat rooms, porno sites and discussion groups on line but in main stream society it's as if it doesn't exist.

Ya Gotta Have Friends! (An aside)

Of the thirteen males on my list, three were, are and will always remain close friends. The first E, was my friend from high school, he and I continued to get together from time to time through the years even though I'd moved over 500 miles away. I'll relate more of our adventures in the future.

The second friend on my list was met in art school, W, was a few years younger and married. We had become friends quickly and I think sensed in each other our sexual nature or interests. We began sharing erotic materials, explicit books and magazines, our own drawings, etc.

One day while I was at his house W was showing me an edition of Japanese Manga, showing me how to read it from right to left and telling and acting out the story as I sat next to him on the sofa. It wasn't an erotic work he was showing me but a futuristic adventure but sitting next to him I was overcome with a sexual spark of energy that had me nearly shaking. I felt the excitement of attraction and desire. It was all I could do to contain myself, riding out the pleasurable but confusing signals my brain was sending me and not blurt out something inappropriate.

That incident stuck out in my mind and sometime later, when he'd moved to another apartment and invited me over while his wife was away at a conference it was at the forefront of my thoughts. I think we were like magnets, magnetically drawn to the possibilities of the situation. His wife was away, we were watching a porno, and I confessed to my bisexual part, which at that time were the many occasions with my friend E and a one time anonymous encounter in a peep show. W confessed to experimenting back home when he was younger. Our talk led us to the bedroom where we shed our clothes if not our inhibitions. I was gung-ho, full steam ahead! He was open, somewhat reserved but honest enough to ultimately admit (after a good attempt) it wasn't working for him.

That's what I love about being open with someone about your sexuality, if you can trust and admit to them your previously held dark secret, communication between the two of you opens up on all levels.

Since then W and I have gotten together three other times physically, twice I dressed for him in full drag, the first an incredible afternoon burned forever in my memory. The second another "good attempt" that went the way of our first encounter. The last time the two of us got together was while he was visiting NYC and my then wife was at work. I was showing him a homemade porno my friend E and I had made with his wife (I told you there is more to that story). W dug the reality of the video and the tent in his pants proved it. He then extracted himself from his pants and began stroking himself. I was thrilled and ran to the bedroom and put on a pair of tights and heels. I returned and asked permission to finish him off. It was granted and I was on my knees. When it was over we returned to our visit in good cheer and company.

W lives somewhere in the middle of the country and now days our friendship is relegated to phone calls and e-mails. There have been a few steamy phone sex sessions since then and some surprisingly graphically written and enjoyed e-mail.

The point of all this? Im getting there. I've shared sexual experiences with people who are my friends; the friendships have endured, despite distance and time. The sexual nature of my friendship with these people has waxed and waned. When I do get together with these friends I'm always eager to share that particular aspect of our relationship. But it doesn't always happen, for whatever reason and I'm okay with that. I have to be I respect them and the choices we have to make.

When the film Brokeback Mountain was released there was a lot of coverage in the media of the story, of the two menÕs forbidden love for one another. I compare the character's experience to my own. I have had girlfriends that I truly loved, I have been married and have tried to remain faithful and struggled with my bisexual desires and have given into those secret temptations. I have come to realize that I can love and connect with a woman but there is a part of me that needs, seeks out and desires my encounters with men.

Were the protagonists of Brokeback Mountain gay? Bisexual? Does it matter what we label it? Apparently it does, because I'm still waiting to see a discussion, a report, and an admission of the bisexual undercurrent that exists in our society. I know it's there.

(To be continued.)